So what?

Seams that the only reason some people really care is so they can insult others. If there’s nothing more to say start insulting peoples looks. Very sad, but seams to be true. And also some people feel better about themselves if they believe someone is dumber, uglier or less desirable than themselves in RL.

Sadly, I don’t think we will ever be over this issue. There will always be people who feel this way. One of the things I loved when I first arrived in SL was the anonimity and the chance to get to know people purely on their personality. Increasingly though, I find that people want to know more and more RL details. Sure, talking about my hobbies, interests etc is fine, even my location and the fact that I have kids. But why do people want to know my age, or see a photo? It does seem like people want to check up on you, and, since the advent of voice, we have yet another way to do that. I was once asked to use voice, to prove I was female, which is the kind of thing I feared when voice was introduced. It’s nice to put a face or a voice with a name, but it’s not that important to me. I have never asked for those kind of details from anyone, and would much rather get to know someones personality.

All in all, I think it is another sad sign of the way Second Life is moving, that this kind of behaviour is on the rise.

That is more than stupid, that would be like getting upset because people using furry avatars in SL are not cats in RL.

Best. Sentence. EVER!!

I always like to think that when we create our avatar, it’s more a representation of our RL personality than our RL physical appearance, and you can generally tell quite a lot about someones personality by the avatar they’ve created.

It would be a happier world if people didn’t associate deception or some peverse fantasty with having an avatar that doesn’t look physically like the RL person, but that will probably stay for as long as people discriminate by race, sexual orientation or the many other excuses for distrusting each other.

Remember though, not all guys who make a female avi have the boob slider at 100% and look like they’ve stepped out of a vat of oil

Good post Raul, and a Happy New Year to you!

Assuming that big boobs and body oil means the person is a male IRL is kind of silly. In fact, making a broad generalization like that in a post where the point is RL details don’t matter is kind of ironic, don’t you think?

I think it only matters if You lying to a sexual partner about your gender … If you know they will care. That’s just hurtful to play with people that way.Otherwise, it not really your business unless they feel the need to share their RLimage with you. I have gotten crap for making my Av look like me… some ppl can’t be pleased and need lives.

Thanks everybody for sharing your opinion about this particular issue.

@ Loaf: Yeah! I know not all the men using a female avatar uses that kind of female appearance! Just wanted to play a bit with stereotypes (the bad part is normally stereotypes are not fair). Actually the RLmen using SLfemale avatars “publically” use to have quite nice avatars, Torley is one example… and some others.

@ Chesnut: Personally i don’t know if all the girls with big boobs and oily skins are men in RL, but i think most are (i used the words “think” and “most” in the post). And i think that becuase normally that’s more a masculine model of female beauty than a femenine one. Of course there are women who may like this model of beauty, and that’s totally respectable.
As i said in the blog i think everybody can choose his/her appearance in SL, just wanted to remark that question regarding the “gender issue”. If you feel more comfortable i can change “I think most of the bimbo-giant-boobs-oily-skin-a-bit-too-flirty girls in SL are men in RL. for “Possibly some of the bimbo-giant-boobs-oily-skin-a-bit-too-flirty girls in SL are men in RL.”, that will work the same for what i tried to mean. As i said to Loaf, stereotypes use to be not fair.

Sincerly, with that sentence was not pretending to insult nobody, anyway i’d like to apologize and of course, correct the sentence.

I pretty much don’t care about whose gender is what behind the avatar, UNLESS that person is trying to play it off like they really are the gender of that person in RL and they are not. I know it’s rather awkward when in voice a male voice comes from a female av, but once that’s gotten past, I get over it.

In RL I’m nowhere near the look of my av, it’s just how I like him to look. Of course, I’d love to be very handsome and super fit. The only thing we have in common is our height (I am taller than most people in RL too), and our clothing styles (I really do wear a lot of what Gahum does, and I’d wear everything else he owns too). He is an idealized representation of me in a virtual space.

It is ironic for Prok to question Vint’s RL gender especially since Prok is a male av with a female owner (you can easily see photos in Flickr). I suppose the interest comes from Prok being called out a couple of years ago as really a woman.

I’ve struggled with this question during my several years in SL. It bugs the heck out of me that someone having a relationship in SL gets so outraged to find their SO is a different gender than they thought. I guess it is the sense of betrayal, the “lying” about FL identity, but I also wonder why it is so important, especially if you’re not going to have a FL relationship with that person. And even so, maybe it would be mind-opening to bat for the other team for once in your life.

I also was constantly asked my age, expecially when I first joined SL and was meeting a lot of new people. I had the horrifying experience of discovering a guy I dated was underage, so I put my FL picture in my profile after that, hoping to avoid people who were hung up on my age and gender.

While I enjoy trying on different avatars, I find that I am most comfortable being somewhat close to my FL appearance. Making my avatar fatter helped me begin to accept my FL self rather than wishing I could still be a skinny teenager. I also felt uncomfortable wearing a black skin – I wondered if it was insulting to black people for me, as a white woman, to “play” at being black. I’m still not sure about that issue, because being black or gay or whatever in SL that I am not in FL could open my eyes to what people unlike me experience in FL.

For instance, one time I wore an old lady avatar, and I was taken aback by how vicious and mean people were toward me, making jokes about sagging skin and incontinence. There is such pressure to look beautiful in a Barbie way, that anyone looking “normal” is seen as a criticism.

I have a male avatar, but I hardly ever use him. I feel very uncomfortable trying to pass as male, even though the idea intrigues me. I, and many other women I’ve talked to, say that being male in SL is a freeing experience for them, that they feel less judged on their sexual attractiveness and are taken more seriously as men.

I was nodding all the time while reading your post, Raul. Well done! I think most is already said in the comments before me. Particularly Phoenix’ words could have be mine.

My philosophy is to always take people as they come. If I know they are a male in RL but have a female avatar and I’m talking to them in SL, I will talk to them as a female. It’s the person I enjoy… not what they look like. Even in terms of my RL folk, I can tell you easily who they are [to me] and tell you their quirks, what they love, blah blah… but if you ask me to describe them I find it really difficult. It doesn’t matter what you do or don’t do – it’s just important that you respect others right to choose what they want to be, just as they [should] repect yours.

I think in terms of relationships, maybe it’s hard because often the emotions end up being real… and thus all of the confused things that go along with romantic relationships. I stick to giving good friendship as I am hopeless at compartmentalisation even in my real world the lines of many of my relationships and places and spaces are blurred… overlaps all over the place. Even then, I still get close to people but I’d love them just the same if they suddenly turned out to fall under some other… um… “label”.

*describe them PHYSICALLY (I’m hopeless)